Things I would tell my younger self.
Give yourself some time to heal. It's okay to not want to get out of bed, your mum just died. Be angry.
And don't let people tell you she's not your mum just because she didn't give birth to you.
Her death will be the worst pain of your life, but you will get through it
Things won't be good for a long time, in fact they are going to be really hard. You will experience what it is to be alone and miss her more than ever
Keep your head down, get to university and you will never have to live in that house again.
And those jeans not fitting might feel like the worst thing in the world right now but it's not.
Over the years lots of things won't fit, then all of sudden everything will fit, not your clothes but your purpose.
Oh and that boy, actually all of them, they ain't shit.
It's not you, it's not your weight it's them.
You are great.
You think you know what love is but you won't know until you are sat at a checkout serving customers in Sainsburys.
oh and whilst I'm at it there's nothing wrong with working in a supermarket, stop being a snob.
Working that retail job will bring you to the person who will make you the happiest you have been in your entire life.
His name is Dan. He is the worlds most perfect person. Stop being so bossy and don't take him for granted.
Accept that you deserve him, because you are unbelievable together. People will wish they had a love like yours.
Don't wait 6 months until you get naked in front of him, he loves everything about you and he will tell you that every single day
So for god sake stop counting those points, don't buy those fucking laxative teas, they do not make you lose weight, they just make you shit yourself - a lot.
Throw away your scales, they make you feel worthless and low and you deserve better than that.
Eat what you want, without judgement and restriction. Exercise for your well being not to lose weight. Swim, you love to swim.
Be prepared to lose friends, some of it will end badly, but it's the right thing in the end.
Put birthdays in your calendar, answer texts back to those that matter,
make the time for the good ones, you'll know who they are, I promise.
Thank your Granch for everything he does for you, and don't give him such+a hard time for how others treat him. His willingness to forgive is what makes him who is he, just be grateful that he loves everyone unconditionally especially you.
Make more time for your sister she needs you, even though she won't say it. She will always be your baby.
Speaking of babies stop using baby wipes as a makeup remover. Double cleanse,
trust me your skin will thank you
I know you don't like change, but it would be great if you could get over that, it would make lots of things a lot easier and less painful for you.
You are not crazy. You have a mental health illness
Don't let it eat you up, ask for help, you will need it.
Don't be afraid to cry, you cry a lot over the years, it's good for you.
But also stop making everything about your past, you can't move forward if you are stuck behind.
Let go of the guilt about putting boundaries in your life, some people will never change and you have to accept that.
Forgive if you can, but don't hate yourself if you can't.
Tell Dan you love him every single day and never go to sleep on an argument.
Most importantly when the time comes don't write about diets, write about life and love and travel and all the things that make you feel happy. It will bring you more joy than you can ever know and a career that you could never dream of.
You will help other girls just like you, be grateful for them, they are part of your healing.
Stop caring about what others think
People will dislike you, often for no reason, accept that it's part of life and don't take it to heart
Say thank you, be gracious, be grateful a
and finally stay kind.
One last thing, I want you to know, because I know you are scared about this the most.. you do okay
I promise, we do okay.
Images by Jakub Koziel